Are you even there?
by Purecinnamonbun
Summary: Phichit had always loved the idea of soulmates. How you couldn't see the things they loved. He found it romantic. But as he grew up, and the world remained solid around him... well, he began to lose hope that he even had a soulmate in the first place. . Seungchuchu soulmate AU, where you can't see whatever your soulmate loves


**Hi! Purecinnamonbun here! Hope y'all enjoy this work! It's part of a series (Can't see anything but you, you make the rest of the world invisible, you bring everything into my world, and can you see me now), and it may make more sense if you read those too, but it can be read as a standalone. The concept of this soulmate AU is that whatever your soulmate loves is invisible to you. When you say your first words to each other, you can see everything again.**

Phichit had always loved the idea of soulmates. How you couldn't see the things that they loved. He found it romantic. Even his mother had been surprised when, at the tender age of four, he'd gone on a whole tangent about how he didn't _care _if he couldn't see things because of his soulmate, because that meant that they were out enjoying their life to the fullest. A slightly older boy had made fun of him after overhearing, saying how things hadn't even started disappearing for Phichit yet, and how he probably didn't even have a soulmate in the first place.

"I do too have a soulmate!" Phichit had retorted "They probably just aren't born yet! Or…or too young to love things! You'll see! My soulmate will be way smarter and nicer than yours will ever be!"

The older boy pushed him over after that, and Phichit spent the next half hour crying while putting band aids on his scratches. Not because of the pain. Because it was the first time the idea of him not having a soulmate had been planted into his head. An idea that would plague him for years to come.

When Phichit was six, the world was still clear as day to him. Nothing was gone. By that time, a small voice in his head began to whisper that _maybe, maybe _he didn't have a soulmate. It wasn't unheard of. There were some people in this world who were just… destined to be alone. When his fear of this had built up to the point where he couldn't bottle it anymore, he ran crying to his father, who stroked his head and told him that he most definitely _did _have a soulmate. And that whoever his soulmate was would love him the most out of anyone. Slightly placated, Phichit returned to bed, but the thought was still there, lurking in the back of his mind.

The next day, his mother signed Phichit up for figure skating lessons. He decided right there and then that someday he'd make it to the Grand Prix Finals, and his soulmate would see him on TV, dancing on the ice. Not that his soulmate loved ice either. The frozen water was almost unmistakeably apparent to Phichit.

It was when Phichit turned ten that people started shooting him worried looks. Whispering amongst themselves that maybe the Chulanont boy was really intended to be alone after all. Which was really such a _shame _because he was such a _sweet _little boy, and just so _happy _all the time. While they were saying these things, Phichit was up in his room crying, pressing a pillow over his ears every time a small part of the conversation echoed through the tightly shut door. It was then that Phichit decided to love all the things that he could. If he did have a soulmate, which was his hopeful yet wavering belief, he wanted them to know that _he _was there. That he cared.

"You have so much love in your heart" Phichit's mother had told him, smiling with an edge of sadness. But Phichit had heard the part that she didn't say.

_Shame you'll never have anywhere to spend it._

When Phichit turned eleven he began to track down the weirdest and most wonderful things he could, just on the off chance that his maybe non-existent soulmate loved them. He spent hours on the computer late at night, scrolling through pictures of rare creatures, shells, antiques. After spending so much time studying them, he began to find an appreciation for the way the photos were framed, the light perfect. His father bought him a camera, and Phichit found another thing to love. He took pictures of the world around him, as the only one he knew of his age that could see all of it.

When Phichit turned twelve, he gave up on having a soulmate. Why should he pine endlessly for something that wasn't there? Wander pointlessly after an ideal that didn't exist for him in the first place? Maybe Phichit would always be alone. But maybe there was also someone out there like him, who didn't have a soulmate either? Who loved hamsters and photography and skating. Maybe there was nobody out there designed especially for him, but Phichit wouldn't lose hope because of it. There might be someone who fit him perfectly anyway.

That night his mother and father took him to see _The King and The Skater, _perhaps hearing of the storyline beforehand, and deciding that it would be good for Phichit. He cried a few times during the movie, for the skater that never had a soulmate and instead pined endlessly after his king, and once more at the end when the king disregarded his own soulmate for the one he truly loved. As Phichit walked out of the theatre, he heard some conversations along the lines of "_Well _I _love my soulmate too much to give him up for the world!"_

Phichit tuned them out and re watched '_The Prince and The Skater' _again several times once it left theatres. It was his never ending proof that maybe, _maybe, _there was hope for him too.

Although Phichit had given up on his soulmate by then, he still loved the world around him. He didn't know why. Maybe it was because he still held onto some faint hope, deep in his soul that his soulmate existed. But no matter, he still loved the trees, the grass, the way the glass frosted over on a cold night- everything. Except cabbages. He had always had a weird dislike of cabbages. Nasty green vomit leaves.

When Phichit turned sixteen, he began to train more rigorously in ice skating, preparing for his entry into the Grand Prix Finals. During that time, he met a guy. They dated. The guy found his soulmate. They broke up.

Phichit discovered that even if somebody said they weren't waiting for their soulmate, they were lying.

He gave up on dating, and threw himself further into training. He began to dream of his own ice skating show, and told his coach of his plans. His coach of the time had laughed, and patted him on the back, telling Phichit that he'd need to practice more first, but it was possible.

Of course it was possible. Phichit had no soulmate to distract him or take up his time. And he could see the ice, which was a step above most skaters.

Two years later, he moved to Detroit, and entered college there. He met Yuuri, and they trained together. Yuuri was kind, and never brought up the fact that Phichit didn't have a soulmate. Even during Phichit's bad days, when his non-stop longing for a soulmate returned. Yuuri would simply bring him one of his hamsters, and chat idly with him for a few hours. Phichit could see why Yuuri had a soulmate. They'd be very happy together.

Then Yuuri came back after their first Grand Prix Finals and told Phichit that the world had become visible to him again, and that he had no idea who his soulmate was.

Phichit's first thought was '_Welcome to my life'. _Then he immediately felt bad, and suggested that Yuuri go home and look for his soulmate.

A year after Yuuri returned to Japan, and found Victor, Phichit entered his secondGrand Prix Final, intent on winning this time. He skated to a theme from '_The King and The Skater'. _It probably seemed like a childish choice to anyone else, but to Phichit, it was everything. It was his story. While he performed, he spotted a flash of colour in the stands. Upon glancing over again, he noticed that it was Seung Gil, wearing his skating costume (later referred to as 'the rainbow of regret'). The two of them had never spoken personally before, but Phichit had watched a few of his interviews. The man had always been so stiff and formal, but now…

Seung Gil was leaning on the barrier, tears trickling down his face, eyes locked on Phichit. He looked, for lack of a better word, beautiful. For a moment, all Phichit wanted to do was go over and comfort the other man.

Instead, he turned his face away and moved into a triple toe loop.

He won gold.

As soon as he was finished with photos, he looked around feverishly for Seung Gil. Maybe he could still cheer up the other man.

But the skater was nowhere to be found.

That evening, Phichit was too exhausted to even look in the mirror while pulling on his suit for the banquet. On his way down, he met Yuuri, who looked absolutely horrified before sitting him down and adjusting his tie, and pulling down the collar where it was sticking up.

"How are the last few days before the wedding going?" Phichit asked while Yuuri smoothed down Phichit's suit and removed a few hamsters from the pockets with a glare.

Yuuri blushed "...Good. I mean, Victor's turned into a bit of a groomzilla. But good"

"_I'm gonna be your best maaaan!"_Phichit sang, hopping around slightly, receiving a small hit on the head from Yuuri as he smoothed down his hair.

A few minutes later Victor himself swept down the stairs, and picked Yuuri up bridal style before carrying him into the banquet. Phichit chuckled. It seemed that the silver haired man had already had a bit to drink.

He wasn't planning on staying long at the banquet himself, since he was already exhausted from the highs and adrenaline of the day's skating. However, as soon as he walked in, he locked eyes once more with Seung Gil. This time his attire was a little less, ahem, _colourful, _and his face was more composed and serious. But as soon as their eyes met, the other man hid his face behind a glass of champagne, and hurried off in the other direction.

Phichit felt a pang of…_something_, but chose to ignore it, shaking his head.

Pulling his phone out, Phichit unlocked it, and accessed the camera, finding the right angle for a selfie. He brought the phone up to his face with a peace sign…

And promptly dropped it, while screaming "HOLY MOHER OF HAMSTERS!"

Everyone at the banquet, and probably the whole population in a five mile radius turned to look at him, and Phichit smiled weakly, while muttering some nonsensical excuse.

Everything was _fine _except it _wasn't _because _he'd disappeared._

"Okay, Phichit. Deep breaths" He muttered, before backing into a corner, and looking at his reflection in a nearby picture frame, just to check. Okay, nope. He was invisible. That meant… a multitude of things. Okay. Was it possible for soulmates to malfunction?

Because Phichit _didn't have one. _He'd _never _had one, and he'd accepted that a long time ago. But apparently he was pulling a _Victor _and his soulmate had _fallen in love with him _so he couldn't _see himself. _He wasn't _good enough _for a soulmate though. He was.. well, he was Phichit.

Taking a deep breath, he weighed his options. He hadn't seen his reflection since the beginning of his skate. His soulmate probably saw him between then and now, and well…fell for him.

His _soulmate._

A grin half broke out across Phichit's face, which he smothered quickly with his hand. First priority: find his soulmate. Second, find out what the hell had happened with the first twenty years of his life. Standing up quickly, he made his way across the banquet hall, throwing out "Hey's" and "Hello's" the whole way, in the hopes that it would trigger the whole "I can see the world again" thing. The whole time, he kept his eyes trained on where the camera app was open on his phone. No change. He still couldn't see himself.

After a couple of minutes, Phichit looked up and scanned the room, searching for anyone that he may not have spoken to yet.

Then he saw him.

Seung Gil. The one who cried during Phichit's skate- the one who avoided his eyes earlier. He was on the other side of the room, one hand oustretched in front of him, as if searching for the knob of the door he was facing. Eventually he grasped it, and tugged it open, turning and slipping out of the room silently.

Truth be told, it was a whim.

And whims where things which Phichit had always followed religiously.

Phichit's feet began to move before he even properly realised what was going on. As he made his way closer and closer to the door, Yuuri shot him a questioning look, while fully supporting a steaming drunk Victor, who was snuggling his face into Yuuri's neck. Phichit made a yawning gesture with his hand, before slipping out after the man.

Once he'd entered the corridor, he caught sight of a tuft of black hair turning down a corner.

"STOP IN THE NAME OF HAMSTERS!" Phichit screamed, flying uncontrollably down the hallway and crashing into the wall, before staggering back and holding a hand out in a friendly way "I'm Phichit"

Seung Gil stared at him, probably in fright, for a moment, before taking his hand and shaking it cautiously "Seung Gil"

Then his eyes widened, and he looked around himself in shock. Phichit didn't even need to check his phone to see that he was visible to himself again.

But just as Phichit opened his mouth to ask _The Question, _the one that had been plaguing him for years, Seung Gil beat him to it

"What's with your weird dislike of cabbages?"

"What?" Phichit blinked

"Cabbages. I couldn't see anything else, except people. Apparently you even love table cloths. But cabbages? Really?"

Phichit gaped "Cabbages?"

"Cabbages" Seung Gil confirmed "Apparently you love every other freaking object on this planet. Which made life very hard for me. Just by the way."

"I…" Phichit was lost for words. Which wasn't good. If _Phichit _was lost for words, it probably meant the end of the world was about to occur "I…Well, I didn't even think I had a soulmate! Apparently you don't love anything!"

"I love my family"

"I couldn't very well see your family, could I? You like skating, right?"

"I neither like or dislike it. It's okay."

"What about dogs? I swear you said on an interview once that you had a husky"

"I love _my _husky. I just don't feel the need to love the _concept _of huskies. And _you_ try loving things when they're all invisible!" Seung Gil paused for breath "How did you even find out I existed in the first place?"

Phichit hesitated, then blushed. He leaned over and whispered the answer to Seung Gil, who blushed even brighter, and started stuttering excuses, which were muffled by the fact that he had his head in his hands.

Phichit smiled as the other skater flapped his arms around wildly, having lost the last bit of composure that he had, and pressed a kiss to his nose, quieting Seung Gil who clutched it in disbelief. Then he breathed out and leant on Phichit's shoulder.

"I just… thought you looked really strong. And kind. And pretty. During your skate. I guess I just…."

Phichit hugged him closer "Me too"

"I'm sorry for making you think that you didn't have a soulmate" Seung Gil said softly into Phichit's neck.

"And I'm sorry for making everything invisible for you. That must have sucked."

"It did."

Phichit hopped up, and held out a hand for Seung Gil who gripped it without hesitation. "Whaddya say we start over again? _Soulmate"_

Quick as a flash, Seung Gil pecked Phichit on the lips, and smartly stepped back a pace "I say yes"

**One year later**

Phichit led Seung Gil into the rink, hand nervously patting his pocket, checking the object was still there. Phichit tied on his skates and slid onto the ice, while Seung Gil was still fiddling with his laces.

"Seung Gil, love of my life, father of my hamsters, peanut butter to my jelly, can you hurry the fuck up?"

"Tough words from someone who made me spend the first 20 years of my life being practically blind"

"Tough words from someone who made me spend the first 20 years of _my _life thinking that I was gonna be alone forever"

Seung Gil finished tying his skates and stepped onto the ice, gripping Phichit's hand when it was held out for him. They skated side by side for a few minutes, exchanging quips, and kissing every so often. After a while, Phichit indirectly brought Seung Gil to the centre of the rink and cleared his throat, his stomach flipping.

"Remember the first time we saw each other?"

"When I was wearing the Rainbow of Regret? Yes. I remember that travesty"

"Well..." Phichit cleared his throat again "I remember thinking how beautiful you looked"

Seung Gil scoffed, and looked away, his cheeks dusted with pink, before making his expression his usual neutral once more.

"So...now I know that I was right. That you were the person that I wanted to spend my life with. That I _want _to spend my life with." Phichit fumbled in his pocket, before kneeling down on the ice, holding a black box aloft "So… Seung Gil, will you marry me?"

Seung Gil stared at him for a second, before muttering a string of obscenities under his breath. Phichit started to panic.

"Is that.. a yes?"

"Why do you always have to beat me to the punch?" Seung Gil asked, reaching inside his _own _pocket, and throwing a box at Phichit's face "_Yes. _Now you better say yes to me too because I _refuse _to be the bride in this relationship. That is 100% you. Trust me, I work with numbers"

Phichit laughed, feeling almost lightheaded, before tackling Seung Gil to the cold floor with a "YES!"


End file.
